What a Costco Meltdown Taught Me About Anger

The more I learn about anger, the more eye-opening it becomes. I touched on this in my earlier blog, Kind, Cute, and Explosive?, where I mentioned how our families are often our first teachers when it comes to expressing emotion—especially anger.

Books and courses are helpful, but real-life moments often teach us the most. One of those moments hit me square in the face while standing in line at Costco.

Picture this: long lineups, everyone waiting their turn, and then a woman spots a shorter line and rolls her cart ahead. That’s when a man in his late 20s explodes, berating the woman for “cutting him.” He wasn’t alone—standing with him were his mother, wife, and young daughter.

The man was loud, aggressive, and relentless. When another woman in line stepped in to defend the shopper he was berating, he turned on her too—shouting profanities that don’t belong in a family-friendly blog. As the scene unfolded, I found myself less focused on the man and more drawn to the women standing with him. They didn’t look shocked. They didn’t look concerned. They simply focused on their cart, completely unfazed. This clearly wasn’t new behavior.

And that’s where the deeper reflection began.

In my work with clients dealing with anger, I often ask:

Where did you learn how to handle anger? Who modeled that for you growing up? And what are you modeling now?

Because anger itself isn’t the problem—it’s how we express it. And if someone grows up watching explosive, unchecked anger be normalized, they’re likely to carry that into their relationships, workplaces, and parenting.

So, next time you feel your anger rising—or even as you read this—ask yourself:

• How do I respond when I feel disrespected or frustrated?

• Is this my own reaction, or one I’ve inherited?

• What message am I sending to those around me—especially to my children?

Anger is a powerful emotion—but it’s also one that can be understood, managed, and transformed. And it starts with awareness. If you’ve never been taught healthy ways to express it, that’s not your fault—but it is something you can change.