Fresh Slates and New Friends: Helping Children Adjust to Changing Relationships

Having good neighbors is truly a blessing. When our kids were younger, they would watch movies together, bounce on the trampoline, and celebrate birthdays and milestones side by side. About five years ago, when we adopted our dog Thor, another layer of friendship began. Thor quickly bonded with our neighbor’s dog, Teddy, and their friendship became inseparable. In fact, Thor—who has a habit of opening our front door—would often wander over to sit patiently on their doorstep, waiting for Teddy to come out and play.

For years, these two dogs were the best of friends. But something shifted this summer. Teddy would poke his head through the lattice fence, eager to play, while Thor sat on our porch ignoring him. We even heard Teddy cry for Thor multiple times. It felt as though, just like a teenager, Thor had suddenly lost interest in the friendship. No matter how much we encouraged her to “be nice to Teddy,” Thor had made up her mind.

This shift got me thinking about how similar it is to the experiences kids may have as they head back to school. A new school year often feels like a fresh slate. Just because someone wasn’t kind last year doesn’t mean they will treat us the same way this year. There is always new potential. But on the flip side, kids often expect friendships to continue as they did before—and sometimes they don’t. Best friends from last year may no longer want to hang out at recess, or suddenly start ignoring texts and calls. These changes can be heartbreaking, and parents are left wondering how to support their child through the pain of a shifting friendship.

So, what can we do?

1. Show Empathy First When a child is suddenly left out, it can feel like a sucker punch. They may be excited to share about their summer, only to find that their best friend is more interested in someone else. This hurts deeply. The first step is simply to listen, acknowledge their feelings, and offer comfort. As tempting as it is to “fix” the situation—by calling the other child’s parents or stepping in directly—this usually doesn’t help and can sometimes make things worse.

2. Empower, Don’t Rescue Instead of solving the problem for them, encourage your child to take small, proactive steps. Suggest that they talk to their friend and ask if something happened. It could be that their friend felt left out at some point, or there was a simple misunderstanding. Open communication can clear the air and give both kids a chance to repair the relationship.

3. Normalize Change Just as the start of the school year brings new classes and opportunities, friendships evolve, too. Sometimes interests shift, or kids make new connections that feel exciting and fresh. While it can be painful to see an old friendship fade, it also creates space for new relationships to form. Helping your child understand that change is a normal part of life gives them resilience to handle future transitions.

4. Look for New Opportunities We also have a clean slate at the start of each school year. Perhaps there was someone with friendship potential last year whom we overlooked or pushed aside. While it’s natural to feel hurt when an old friendship changes, we can gently encourage kids to focus on making new connections—seeking out classmates with shared interests, kindness, and thoughtfulness. These qualities often lay the foundation for strong, lasting friendships.

Here are some ways parents can guide their children in building new connections:

• Encourage small gestures: Smiling at a classmate, saying hello, or giving a compliment can open the door to a new friendship.

• Explore shared interests: Suggest your child sit next to someone who enjoys the same subject, or talk to a peer about sports, books, music, or hobbies they both like.

• Look for kindness: Point out peers who are inclusive, thoughtful, or respectful—these qualities often make for healthier, more reliable friendships.

• Try new groups or activities: Joining a club, team, or extracurricular activity can help your child meet peers outside their usual circle.

• Practice inclusion: Encourage your child to invite others to join a game or sit together at lunch, which shows openness and creates opportunities for connection.

Friendships, whether between kids or dogs, don’t always stay the same. While Teddy may miss Thor, and your child may miss last year’s best friend, the important lesson is that change brings growth. With empathy, encouragement, and openness to new possibilities, kids can navigate these shifts and discover that every new school year holds the chance for new beginnings.